Rhythm Of My Soul-Chapter 8

We haven't seen or spoken to each other since that day I broke his heart. We were like strangers now. We used to have so much to say to each other but nowadays, we don't even say hello. When we passed each other at the halls, we would just smile and walked away. I don't know if we could ever go back to the way things were between us. I still see the hurt in his eyes whenever he looks at me. He must really hate me.

I was afraid of my own feelings because I knew that everytime I open my heart to someone, he or she will be taken away from me. My parents, my grandmother and Shawn. The curse I carry is always haunting me. I didn't want to lose David but come to think of it, I've already lost him by pushing him away.

For the past few weeks, I've been trying to sort out my feelings for David. And no matter how hard I've been trying to avoid it or to convince myself otherwise, I've always came to the same conclusion. It was so wrong but it was the truth.

I'm deeply and madly in love with David.

Not having David around was hard and I realized how much I needed him by my side. It was as if I could no longer function without him. The North suddenly became South and the West suddenly became East. Once again, I'm lost. I always thought that my feelings for David was merely because he reminded me so much of Shawn but now, I realized that I was wrong. With him, I was beginning to think lesser and lesser of Shawn. Without knowing it, I was already opening my heart to let him in.

I love David for believing in me

I love David for giving me the courage

I love David for making me laugh

I love David for everything he is

But most of all,

I love David for the way he loves me

I took out the silver box from under my bed, tears streaming down my cheeks beyond my control. I carefully open the lid and run my fingers through the contents of the box. The box contained the most important memories of Shawn's love for me. There were pictures, poems, cards, letters and gifts....each and every thing in itself bears a significant meaning to our love. I've lost count of how many times I've looked through this box and yet, I was never bored of it. I could spend the entire day just looking and reminiscing of the time we once shared.

Dear Chelsea,

I can't stop thinking about you after our date last night! You looked stunning in the blue dress and yes, I notice that you were wearing the star necklace that I gave you! I know I told you to wear that necklace when you're ready to be my official girlfriend. But, I still need to hear it from you to make sure that I'm not hallucinating! Will you be my girlfriend, Chelsea?

I love you.

Always and forever.

xoxo
Shawn

Dear Chelsea,

Are you free for movies tonight? Just nod your head if it's a yes....I'm afraid Mrs Lee will catch us passing notes and send us off to Mr Four Eyes again!

I love you.

Always and forever.

xoxo
Shawn

Dear Chelsea,

Happy, happy birthday! May all your dreams, especially the one to marry me and have a dozen kids will come true! What joy it would be to have little boys who look as handsome as me and little girls who look....well, like you? Maybe we should have a dozen boys? haha Just joking! I'm sure our girls will just be as beautiful as their mummy!
I love you.

Always and forever.

xoxo
Shawn

Dear Chelsea,

Thank you for your encouragement and love. You're right, I should not give up fighting. I was wrong to push you away when you're the reason that I want to live. I will be strong for you and together, we'll fight Mr Cancer away! Nothing can tear us apart!

I love you.

Always and forever.

xoxo
Shawn

Dear Chelsea,

Thank you for being with me although I know how hard it has been on you. Although you always came in with a big smile, I know how sad you must have been inside. I heard you crying the other day in the bathroom and I felt so helpless. There was nothing I could do to make you feel better. I'm sorry for being so sick, Chelsea.

I love you.

Always and forever.

xoxo
Shawn

Dear Chelsea,

I'm sorry but I don't think I can fight Mr Cancer anymore. He's just too strong and I'm just too tired. Please be strong, my superwoman. We will meet again soon, I promise but not now. You have to live your life to the fullest and find another Superman in your life. Wait, I'm your only Superman! Guess you'll have to find Spiderman or maybe, Incredible Hulk? hahahaha Be happy always, Chelsea. I want you to be happy.

I love you.

Always and forever.

xoxo
Shawn

That was the last letter he wrote to me before he passed away. Even in his death bed, Shawn was still trying to make me laugh. That was my Shawn. There was never a dull moment when I'm with him and yes, he was truly my Superman. By reading the letter, I felt as if Shwan was right beside me. I was about to put the letter back into the box when I noticed that the end of the letter was folded to the back. I opened it carefully and was surprised to see more of Shawn's writing there.

PS* I think you and David would make a great couple! Remember, my cousin? I've told him so much about you that I think he knows you more than you know yourself. You two have a lot in common as well! Sometimes I feel as if I'm dating him when I'm with you! haha He's a great guy and hey, he happens to like Spiderman a lot! Open your heart to love again, Chelsea. You have to move on! You're not betraying me in any way because I know that I'll always be in your heart. Just keep me tuck in safely and give the rest of the spaces in your heart to David! I may be Superman but I'm not that fat to take up all the spaces of your heart, right?

PPS* The more I think of it, the happier I am! David is definately the perfect one for you! I know he will love you as much as I did or maybe even more. I am so going to be your match maker so make sure you thank me during your wedding! I'm going to bring you two together no matter what it takes! Even when I'm no longer in this world, I'll pull some strings....maybe I'll ask Cupid to shoot some arrows? haha

PPPS*Forget about the curse, only crazy old ladies would believe in things like that! You're not crazy but well, maybe you're old...but that's another story haha Now, what are you waiting for? Go get your Spiderman before he webs away! I don't want you to end up with Incredible Hulk! You know how much I hate green! Life is too short, Chelsea. Sometimes, you have to take that risk or you risk living the rest of your life in regrets.

I stared at the letter for ages.

Reading it over and over again.

Word for word.

I was shocked beyond words.

I could almost feel Shawn's presence in the room with me. That letter had answered every single doubt that was on my mind. It was as if he knew what I was thinking and wrote that letter specifically to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I guess Shawn really did kept his promise and brought us together. I still remember that David and I had become friends in front of Shawn's tomb that day. Shawn must have been there too, smiling like a three year old, like he always did when he succeeds in something. He had wanted me to be with David too. It took me a while to regain my composure but when I finally did, everything suddenly became crystal clear.

I need to be with David.

I need to tell him how I really feel.

I need to tell him that I love him.

I always have and always will.

I searched for my phone and finally found it buried under my dirty laundry. I'm been so occupied with my thoughts on David that I've forgotten to charge my battery and the phone is now dead. I quickly plug it to the charger and switched on my phone to call David. This is the time when I regretted not fixing a land line in my house. I was surprised to see that I have 33 missed calls. I checked the caller ID and they were all from the same person.

David.

My heart skipped a beat and I began to panic. Something urgent must have happened for him to call me 33 times! I frantically tried to call him back but each time, I reached his voice mail. He must have switched off his phone and that worries me. David never switched off his phone before. I called his house but no one was picking up either. Something must have gone wrong. I took my car keys and drove like a mad woman to David's house only to find that there was no one at home. I was about to leave when I noticed a pink envelope with my name on it on the doorstep.

It was from David.

Dear Chelsea,

Knowing you inside and out, I know that you would come running here when you saw my missed calls so I've left the letter here. By the time you read this letter, I guess I'll already be on the plane. I tried calling you the whole day but I couldn't get through to you. You must hate me that much to switch off your phone, huh? The reason I've been calling you is to say goodbye. I wanted to speak to you and to see you because this may be the last time. I guess Fate is cruel sometimes. I'm going back due to some unforeseen personal reasons. Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever have the chance to come back here again.

I know this is all very sudden but I had no other choice. I had to leave but do not get the silly idea that I'm leaving because of you. I'm sorry that things aren't going so well between us these past few weeks. I tried to get over this quickly but my heart still wouldn't listen to me and kept screaming out in pain. Please know that I do not hate you nor am I angry at you. I just don't know how to put things back to where they were or to pretend as if nothing has happened between us. I guess I just needed more time. This is my first time being turned down by a girl, mind you!

I hope we can still be friends but perhaps this separation is good for us in a way, or at least it is for me. It will give me the time to get over you and to accept you as my best friend again. Maybe I'll find myself someone who loves me back? That someone will have very big shoes to fill because I don't think anyone can be better or even as good as you are. In my heart, you're perfect. Are you now regretting that you've turned me down now? haha

I'm sorry for everything and I hope you can forgive me. Do keep in touch and let's not become strangers again. You already have my phone number, email and address so you'll know where to reach me. I'll miss you!

Sarang heyo, Chelsea.

Always and forever.

xoxo
David

I was at a lost for words as tears started forming in my eyes. I tried calling him but again, I reached his voice mail. I rushed to the airport, which was only 15 minutes away from his house but I was too late. The plane has took off, taking David and a part of me away. I was broken hearted. Just when I finally found my courage to love again, he left me and once again, I'm all alone.

To let go isn't about forgetting but rather it is about remembering

To let go is to accept and to have the strength to keep on moving

I was finally letting go of Shawn

I was finally ready to open up my heart again

To allow myself to love and to be loved again.

To allow my once broken heart to heal and mend again.

But everything is too late now.