Rhythm Of My Soul- Chapter 7

Although I've never told anyone before, I was afraid of the hospitals too. Yes, I've developed all sorts of phobias after Shawn left me. Before that, I was never afraid of anything because I knew that he would always be there to protect me. The hospital brought back so many bad memories. To me, once you go into a hospital, you would never come out again.

This is where I saw Shawn getting sicker and sicker each day.

This is where I saw Shawn going through so much pain and suffering.

This is where I said goodbye to Shawn as he took his last breath.

I vowed never to return again to this place and yet, I did because of David. With him around, I've become stronger and braver. In fact, all that didn't even occured to me at that time. I was so worried about David that I didn't worry about anything else. I just wanted him to get well. It was only after he was admitted that I was started to have all these bad thoughts. But again, he proved me wrong when I watch him getting better and better each day. He was enthusiastic when the doctors finally discharged him on Friday.

"Finally! I'm free!" he squealed happily, like a little kid.

"You speak as if this is a prison!" I commented.

"It is! I'm so glad I've finally break out from that prison!" he cried.

"You think you're Michael Scofield from Prison Break? You're in the VIP ward with air conditioner and a big comfortable bed. You even have people fussing over you around the clock....you should be happy!" I teased him.

"The only thing I'm happy about is to have you fussing over me. That makes me the happiest man on earth, you know" he replied, laughing.

"You mean me or the two nurses who were falling all over you?" I joked.

"Of course you, silly. In my eyes, there can only be Chelsea" he said, with a wink.

Okay, that made me blush so much that the redness was even reflected back to me on my shiny bag. I turned away from him quickly, praying hard that he had not seen it.

"Ow....my Chelsea is turning as red as the Manchester United's jerseys again!" he teased, laughing.

I've been blushing so much when I'm around him that David must have thought it was a norm.

If only he knew that I only blush when I'm around him.

"I only wanted you to get better so I can torture you" I quickly say, changing the topic.

"Torture me? You wouldn't dare!" he said, playfully messing up my hair.

"Do you realize that we don't have transport back?" I asked him, smiling mysteriously.

"Easy! I can call my Mom" he said, taking out his cell but I snatched it away from him.

"Today, we're taking the double decker bus back!" I said, sticking out my tongue at him.

"Hey! That's not fair! Give me back my cell!" he cried and chased me around.

"Come on, it'll be fun. I promise" I assured him, knowing how much he dislikes public transport.

"Chelsea! Why are you doing this to me?" he asked, helplessly.

"Because I want to torture you!" I replied, sticking my tongue out.

Despite my protests, David booked the entire upper floor of the double decker bus for just the two of us. The driver was only too happy to oblige because of David's money. Although he insisted that he did it to make me happy, I somehow thought it was the other way around. However, I was too happy to argue with him. Before that, I always have to fight my way to the top and once I'm at the top, it would be too crowded from me to enjoy the scenery because it would be packed with tourists. The Double Decker always makes me feel better. Being right on top of it and able to view everything from the top makes me feel as if I've conquered the world.

"Thanks, David for everything!" I gushed, happily.

"Told you that I would do anything to make you happy" he said, with a wink.

"Ah! Save all that sweet talk for your future girlfriend! If I've not known you better, I would think that you're in love with me" I said, laughing.

"What If I am?" he asked.

"Huh?" I repeated, taken aback by his answer.

"What if I'm in love with you, Chelsea?" he repeated himself.

"Don't say things you don't mean, David" I warned him.

"I think I'm in love with you. I mean it" he said, suddenly turning serious.

"Are you sure your fever did not damage your brain or something?" I asked, laughing nervously.

"I love you" he repeated, loud and clear.

I swear I felt the colour leaving my face as I quickly turned away from him. My heart was doing somersaults and it felt as if there were hundreds of butterflies fluttering in my stomach. His sudden confession made me happy and sad, all at the same time. This is what I've been afraid of all this time.I always knew that we were growing too close and as much as I've tried pulling myself away, I couldn't. I was selfish because I really like being with him but I just couldn't return his feelings. The last thing that I wanted to do was to hurt him.

"Chelsea, you're turning blue. Please breathe" he teased, forcing a smile.

"David, I'm sorry but...I can't" I whispered, barely audible.

"Why? Is it because of Shawn?" he asked, gently.

"Yes. I'll always and only love him" I replied, a tear slide down my cheek but I quickly wiped it away.

"I'm not going to replace Shawn or ask you to stop loving him. All I'm asking is for you to open another space in your heart for me" he said.

"I..." I started to say but was cut off.

"You don't have to answer me now, Chelsea. I just wanted you to know that I love you...before it's too late" he explained.

"The answer is no, David" I insisted, not wanting to give him any more hopes.

"Don't I deserve a chance? Can't you just give us both a chance?" he probed further.

"No. I don't want to hurt you, David. I don't think I can love anyone else as much as I've loved Shawn. You deserve so much more. You deserve someone who could love you with all their heart" I confirmed, shaking my head.

"But you're the only one I love" he insisted.

"And Shawn is the only one I love" I repeated again, although I'm not sure whether I was trying to convince him or it was the other way around.

"I'll wait for the day for you to love me back" he said, stubbornly.

"David, please...don't do this" I begged him.

"My head hurts when I think of you. My heart aches when I did not see you. My stomach hurts when I miss you. Tell me, what am I supposed to do?" he asked.

"Forget about me. I would only cause you more pain, David" I said, with a sigh.

"Chelsea, can you honestly tell me that you did not feel the same way as I do? Even for a second? After everything we've been through?" he asked.

"Sarang heyo, David. Best friend. That's all. It was never more than that. I'm sorry if I've led you to believe otherwise" I explained, still remembering the Korean word that he taught me.

"Sarang heyo, Chelsea" he whispered, before turning away from me.

We didn't exchange a single word after that as we sat on the bus, in silence. We were both lost in our own thoughts. Suddenly, even being on top of a Double Decker bus, the wind could not blow my sadness away. A million thoughts went through my mind and I almost felt as if my head was exploding. Ocassionally, I would stole a glance at him and it broke my heart to see him so disappointed and sad. He looked so...defeated. Although we were sitting just across from each other on the bus, I suddenly felt as if he is a million miles away from me.

"I think we should not see each other for a while" he said, when we reach the stop.

"Yeah....I agree" I said, although my heart was screaming for the other way.

"Take care, Chelsea" he said, softly.

"David, I really hope we can still be friends" I said, softly.

"Me too" he agreed before turning away without another word.

I watched him walked away from me. A part of me wanted to stop him and hug him but part of me was rooted on the spot. He didn't even turned back for a second look like he always did. He looked as if he was carrying the whole world on his shoulders. As he disappeared into a corner, I collapsed on the floor and broke down in tears. I knew that I've lost him for good. I thought I did the right thing but now, I'm not too sure anymore. How did everything which seemed to right just a few minutes ago became so wrong?

It hurts me just as much as it hurts him...

Because I lied when I told him that I did not feel the same way as he does.