Rhythm Of My Soul- Chapter 3

It's been nearly a week since I've that strange encounter with the new boy in college.Although I kept telling myself that I do not wish to see him again, I knew that deep down in my heart, it was the other way around. I found myself lingering around longer than I should during our breaks and after our classes end just to catch a glimpse of him. But, I never saw him. Whenever I was in my secret hideaway, I would jump up at the slightest sound, thinking that it would be him but it never was.

I was disappointed and yes...worried.

I know that I'm probably losing my mind and whenever I felt this way, I would go to the cemetary....I know, of all places? It was either here or the music room and sadly, the music room is packed today. To others, this may be a gloomy and scary place. However, it is my place of sanctuary and source of comfort. It is here that four of the most important persons in my life are laid to rest.

"Mom, Dad. It's me" I whispered, tears running down my cheeks.

I run my fingers along the name of my parents, engraved on the cold gravestones.

Brian and Christine Chung.

They were both killed in a road accident, just two days before my 5 year old birthday. My once colourful world turned black that fateful day. From a child with a happy family, I became an orphan overnight. It's been so long now but I still remember my mother's laughter that sounded like music and my father's gentle but strong voice. There was not a day that passed by without me missing them. I updated them about my life before making my way down to my grandmother's grave.

Christie Chung.

After I lost both of my parents, my grandmother took me in. She made sure I have everything and she never once allowed me to feel as if I'm an orphan. She had sacrificed a lot just to bring me up and I will be forever grateful to her. I still remember straying away during my teenage days and if she weren't there to guide me back on track, I would probably end up in jail or something worst than that. It's been 6 years since she left but I always feel as if she's still here, right beside me.

After my grandmother's death, I continued living in her house alone. I've lost all my loved ones. It was then that I met Shawn. He was just there at the right time. We became friends and soon,we fell in love. Don't ask me how we fell in love....we just did. It's as simple as that. The two of us were inseparable, we were meant for each other. I gave Shawn everything and he did the same for me too. Everything was just perfect.

He was my rock.

He was my world.

He was my everything.

But in a second, everything was taken away from me.

Shawn was diagnosed with lung cancer, which I could never understand till this day. He didn't drink, neither does he smoke. Right after he found out, it seemed as if the time was ticking away like a time bomb. We tried to spend as much time as we could together and we always pretended as if everything is going to be okay although we both knew that it will never be. I felt helpless as I watched him slip away, taking a piece of me together with him.

One by one,

My loved ones are taken away from me,

I am indeed cursed,

For no one who are close to me will live.

I pushed away my thoughts and stared at the unknown person, standing in front of Shawn's grave. He had his head bowed them, as if he is in a prayer. I squinted but I could not make out who he was because he had his back facing me. I knew Shawn has a younger brother, Seth but this could not be him. Seth is currently in Japan pursuing his studies and Seth was definately way taller than this guy.

Just then the guy turned and I swear, I felt my heart stopped.

It is him.

"Chelsea!" he cried, surprised to see me.

"Wha.....What are you doing here?" I stammered.

"Okay, before you get any wrong ideas, I didn't skip my classes. I just had my bandages removed this morning. I'm going to class tomorrow" he quickly explained.

"How....How did you know Shawn?" I asked, not even hearing what he had just said.

"Shawn's my cousin. I didn't come for the funeral because I couldn't get a flight...By the time I reached, it was over. Everything just happened so suddenly" he said, broken hearted.

"You're the cousin he always talk about? The one the always follow him around when you guys were little? The one that he adores? You're little David?" I asked, in disbelief.

"Yes, and you're Chelsea, his girfriend. But I'm no longer little, as you can see" he said, with a sad smile.

"Did he.....Did he talk about me?" I asked, softly.

"Yes. He loves you a lot, Chelsea. He would go on and on about you....so much that I'm even jealous of you" David said, with a chuckle.

"And I was jealous when he went on and on about you" I added, smiling.

"It's nice to have finally met you" David said, extending his hand out.

"Me too" I replied, shaking his hand. "And David, Shawn is not upset that you couldn't make it in time for his funeral"

"Thanks. I needed to hear that. He told me everything but he never once told me that he was sick. I would have taken the first flight back to see him and to, you know, be with him" he sighed.

"That's exactly why he didn't want to tell you. You know Shawn, he would never want people around to him to worry especially the ones he cared for the most. Having Seth, his mother and I...it was tough enough" I answered, tears forming in my eyes.

"I just wish I could have been there. Were you there when, you know, he took his last breath?" he asked, cautiously, as if he was afraid that I would eat him up.

If he wasn't Shawn's cousin, I would have probably eaten him up, to be honest.

"Yes. He left with smile on his face" I replied, a tear streaming down my cheeks.

Both of us fell into complete silence as we stared at Shawn's grave. I couldn't believe that this boy whom I once thought I would have nothing in common, is so closely connected with me. We both lost someone very special and dear to us. I still remember how Shawn's face would always light up when he talks about David..they were so close that I once suspected whether Seth and David were switched at birth. Shawn and Seth were never that close and they're blood brothers! Shawn had always wanted me to meet David and we finally did but sadly, Shawn is no longer around.

"Chelsea, do you think he would be happy if he sees you like this?" he asked, suddenly.

"What do you mean?" I answered back, confused.

"You being so cold and pushing everyone who cares about you away" he explained.

I didn't know what I should say to him so I tried changing the subject.

"How's your ankle? Is it better now?" I asked, forcing a smile.

"This is not your fault, Chelsea. There's nothing you could do to save him" David contiuned, as if I have not spoken at all.

How did he know I was blaming myself?

"I know it's hard but pushing everyone away is not the solution. At times like this, friends and family are the ones that you need most" he sighed.

I have no family left and friends....they hate me

"I'm not asking you to forget him. Cherish him in your heart and memories but it is time to move on. He would want you to be happy, Chelsea"

But I don't deserve to be happy!

When I didn't say anything, he looked at me. I could feel his eyes burning into mine, so much so that I had to look away. He thought he knew everything about me but he was so wrong. He didn't know that it was because of me that Shawn died. It wasn't the cancer who killed Shawn but it was I.

Would he hate me if I told him the truth?

"You don't know everything" I said, barely audible.

"Then tell me! Tell me what's wrong!" he cried, frustrated.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I cried, feeling my cheeks getting wet from my tears.

"Because I care! I just can't let you live your life like this, Chelsea. I don't want Shawn to hate me when we meet in heaven" he explained.

"I'm...I'm cursed, David" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"Cursed?" he repeated, surprised.

"Everyone who loves me will die, David! My parents, my grandmother and now...Shawn. I caused their deaths! Everytime I thought it would be different but it never was. Shawn died because of me" I sobbed.

I knew I looked like a complete fool in front of David but I just couldn't stop crying. He came nearer and hugged me as I stained his jacket with my tears. I wanted to push him away but I could not find the strength to. He wasn't rough or anything, in fact, he hugged me as if I'm the most fragile thing on earth. It was as if he was afraid that if he hugged too tight, I might shatter into pieces. I felt warm and safe in his embrace. I don't know how long we stood there but one thing for sure, I cried until there were no more tears left.

"Is that why you keep pushing other people away?" he asked, after a while.

I nodded, weakly.

"It's not your fault. It was just a coincidence" he tried to assure me.

"Don't you understand? I can't be close to anyone anymore because I don't want to see them dying in front of me again!" I cried.

"That totally doesn't make any sense and I'm going to prove it to you. From today onwards, I'll be your friend. The best one you'll ever have" he said, confidently.

"Didn't you hear what I just said? I'm cursed!" I sighed.

"Curse or no curse, I don't care. Friendships, love, life....everything is about taking risks. If you don't try, you'll never know" he explained.

"And I'm not willing to take that kind of risk!" I argued back.

"Don't be selfish. You're only afraid to open up your heart because you're afraid that you would be hurt again" he said.

"I'm not selfish!" I inisisted.

"Then don't tell me what I can do with my life. Whether I choose to take the risk or not, it's up to me. This time, it will be different. Really.If you don't want to do this for yourself, then do it for Shawn" he assured her.

"What does Shawn has to do with us being friends or not?" I asked, with a smirk.

"Bcause he wants you to be happy and who else is better at making you happy if it's not for David The Great?" he teased her.

"Why can't you just be like everyone else and leave me alone?" I sighed, closing my face with my hands.

"Because I'm not everyone else! I'm David" he replied, cleverly with a wink.

"Fine, David. We can be friends" I sighed, finally giving up.

"Good! Shawn, you be our witness. You can't go back on your words now!" he said, smiling happily like a three year old.

I couldn't help but to smile at his childishness. No wonder Shawn always called him his little David. Though I do not agree with half of what David was saying, he did made me realize something that I've not realized before. He was right when he said that Shawn would want me to be happy. Shawn has given me so much and I have given him so little. This is the only thing I could do for him. I want to be happy for his sake.

David is everything Shawn described him to be. Now, I know why he reminded me of Shawn. They are so similiar in so many ways. I already felt as if I know David a long time ago and call me selfish, but I really do want to get to know him even better. He is a part of Shawn, the closest person to him apart from his mother and I. Although I do not know if I have made the right choice but it felt right at that time. I already felt as if a big burden has been lifted off my shoulders. That should be a good sign, right?

I just hope the curse won't come back to haunt me again.

And....

That he won't realize that my heart is still skipping a beat everytime I see him

Or my face blushing as red as an apple everytime he smiles.